Uncertainty
by hellohelloalone
Summary: Just a little idea that came from watching the extended episode on the Sports Festival, and so far I haven't seen Shiromeguri Meguri around, so I decided to make one for her. A short HachixMeguri fic.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru or any of the characters (I wish I did)**

**Anyways, enjoy!**

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><p>I was in the Service Club, reading my newly bought light novel from yesterday. It's a pretty interesting one, where the main character has a pair of dead fish eyes and hates the society around him and curses everyone who he considers to be a 'real'…wait that's just like me.<p>

Suddenly a few knocks coming from the door snapped me out of my train of un-amusing thoughts. I wonder who it is. A faint 'please come in' came from Yukinoshita, and the mystery student came in, a little awkward.

"Hi, may I ask if this is the service club?" Said the student.

Her voice was quite distinguishable, notably different from other students so far that I have talked to(not that I talk to any). I looked up from my novel and the mystery unravelled itself. I was about to say something but another voice butted in a step ahead of me.

"Shiromeguri Meguri senpai, is there something wrong?" Asked Yukinoshita. She sure was quick into business.

"Oh, well I came here to thank you all for helping out at the Cultural Festival! Especially to that rumoured Hikigaya-kun! On that note, is he in today?" Shiromeguri spoke in her slightly higher pitch compared to other girls. Wait, she's here for me? What for? A million thoughts ran by me, but I ignored them and stood up to greet the person here to find me.

"I'm Hikigaya Hachiman. Is there something you need me for?" I tried my best to sound earnest. I think I saw a snide smile coming from a certain someone to my left…

"Oh, so you're the legendary Hikigaya, the worst person ever in the year below. Nice to meet you, we've meet before in the Committee but I'm Shiromeguri Meguri."

Hey, that's a bit rude you know. I'm sorry for being the most hateable man in the year group. I clenched my teeth slightly at her unintended verbal attack at me. Damn, never thought that such a person could cluelessly throw out such attacks…

"Yes I am. And is there something you want from me?" I lost a bit of patience. Come on Hachiman, man up and stop being such a dick.

"Actually, could you come with me for a moment? I want to talk to you for a bit." She smiled and tilted her head slightly when asking. D-don't do this to me, it's not good to my fragile little heart.

"Yeah ok. I'll come with you." I swiftly said, earning two glares coming from my left. What are those girls doing…

As if on cue, Shiromeguri led me out of the Service Club. I quickly followed suit to reduce the damage dealt by the ever-increasing intensity of the death glares I'm feeling.

We walked out of the club room, shut the door, and went to the roof of the Special Building.

=x=

We got to the roof, Shiromeguri spun around on her heels and faced me directly.

"Sooo, Hikigaya-kun was it? I was really impressed with your performance during the Cultural Festival! It seemed like you knew exactly what you were supposed to do!" Shiromeguri sounded almost overenthusiastic over my little act of further self-destruction during the Cultural Festival.

"It wasn't anything special. I just did what the situation called for. It was the optimal choice provided the circumstances."

And that was true to a good extent. Sagami had run away from the people to 'hide' at a place where she wanted people to be able to find her and tell her that 'everything will be ok'. I knew that those were the words that she had hoped for, but I wasn't in the position to say that. I wasn't the person she wanted, therefore the only option I had left was force the others to say those words, and that was by degrading her in front of Hayama and the others. In the end everything worked out well, Sagami returned to her post as the chairman of the Committee, her 'wish' that the Service Club needed to fulfil had been accomplished, and she was sure to have 'grown' from that experience.

I kept my eyes downcast, hoping that Shiromeguri wouldn't notice the turmoil within me. It was best to be kept a secret that only I know of. That way, less people would be hurt by the real truth. Am I turning into some sort of self-degrading protagonist here?

Finally, Shiromeguri began to speak. "You know, you shouldn't have done it the way you did." She paused for a bit; I held my breath. "There could have been better ways than that, right? You didn't have to help people to the extent of destroying yourself from within."

How did she know? How could she have known? It wasn't like I told anyone, or was I just that obvious?

I finally looked up. I had always thought that Shiromeguri smiles in any situation; even when the Committee had a tense atmosphere she continued to smile, hoping that her smile would somehow lighten the mood, even if just a little. That was the impression that Shiromeguri had given me all along. Yet now, she was on the verge of tears.

Why would she go to such an extent for someone like me?

"Hikigaya-kun, please, you need to be more sensitive of those around you." She said trying to maintain her composure. This was exactly what Sensei had told me to do. "Even if you feel that the feelings of those around you aren't important, you should at least put them into consideration." Now she was starting to sob. Oh crap, I'm a no-go with crying girls, let alone a female upperclassman.

Just as I began to panic about what I should do to calm the girl in front of me, I felt myself being pulled into an embrace. Of course, none other than by Shiromeguri.

"Please, understand this already… I felt really hurt when I saw you slouching against the wall while watching the live performance. The sight was simply…unbearable." She tightened her embrace on me. "Don't do this to anyone…don't do this to _me._" That's when a realisation hit upon me. Don't tell me…

"Hikigaya-kun, I think…I think that I like you... So please, don't do this to me. Nobody wishes to see the one they hold dearest to be in such pain, caused by simply helping other people in a way that was necessary because the situation called for it. It didn't have to turn out that way, yet…"

By now my shoulder was being drenched, by her tears maybe. My mind had gone blank. Countless questions that arose passed by, unanswered. Things stayed like this for what seemed like an eternity; Shiromeguri simply crying into my shoulder while I sorted out my inner turmoil.

I would never understand the feelings which she had just tried to convey to me. I am a loner, a versatile fighter in the art of splendid isolation. There was no way in which I will understand anything regarding the concept of love, other than the pain and betrayals it ultimately brings along. There was no point in exercising oneself in such meaningless acts of self-depression. But then again, aren't I just doing the same thing all over again, only through a different form? I maintained that I was a loner just to avoid such troubles, but aren't I just hurting myself through this method of isolation as well? Be it dealing with Yuigahama's kindness towards me, or my faulty interpretation of Yukinoshita's character, both things I tried to escape using my isolationist ideology, but to no avail. So is what I am doing right now considered 'wrong' as well? To hurt someone like Shiromeguri without knowing it, it means that I have hurt a lot more people than I know of. Is there any sort of solution to this vicious cycle of self-degradation and self-consolation? Or perhaps there is actually no way out of it. Or maybe there is no right answer; what one does is dependent on the situation placed before him.

I slightly lifted my head, level with Shiromeguri's head buried in my shoulder. She is trembling, I am sure of it. There is only one way to calm her down.

_I think, I think I like you_

Those words rang through my thoughts again, just as anyone would, maybe. I clenched my fists, then slowly lifted them until they were just above Shiromeguri's back. This is probably one of the most outrageous things I will be doing, but who gives. There is no right answer, right?

I firmly hugged Shiromeguri after a second of hesitation. I can feel that she was surprised at first, but was then soothed by my acceptance of her. Her trembling reduced, her sobs began to diffuse, and finally she let go of me.

"Shiromeguri," I began, though unsure of what will happen next, "I'll do my best to not hurt you from now on." I looked towards the side, a little embarrassed by my declaration of some sort to protect her.

Her eyes lit up, surprise followed by a genuine smile was all that she had on her expression. She was truly glad. The next thing my mind registered was a softness planted firmly onto my lips.

So I did the right thing, did I?


End file.
